One of the great things about America is the guarantee of freedom and equality we enjoy. Nothing showcases this better than the fact that any one of us, regardless of race, sex, creed, or religion, is free to dream up weird products and crazy fads and attempt to find someone to give us money for them.

Let’s celebrate the insanity that is the free market together, shall we? We’ll take a look at the amazing trash people have tried to offload second-hand, the best of the worst on Amazon, weird junk that only people with more money than sense could ever afford, and breakfast cereal attempts that were near instant fails.

Nothing says “I’m thinking about you” like the gift of a subscription box; and nothing says “that thought I’m thinking is, ‘I hate you.’” like some of the subscription boxes we found. There are also some idiotic fads we’re all very grateful have died.

In most cases, you’d be better off burning your money directly than spending it on any of these items.

Concerning Private Sales

Craigslist is literally the Wild West. People advertising on this site are willing to sell anything, from a human-sized hamster wheel to a couch they should actually be paying others to take away for them.

Revel in the glorious shamelessness of Craigslist with us as we consider five of the strangest ads ever seen on this amazing website.

1. You Don’t Need a Gym

Not if you have the human hamster wheel! Just note that it’s not recommended for small children. Imagine never paying for a gym membership again!  

Check it out here.

The best part of this ad is the offer of extra shredded newspaper (you know, in case you need some?) and the pic that demonstrates just how to use this marvelous item.

2. Snow Limo

Do you live in the Yukon? Are you desperate for a way to get around in style when there’s a couple feet of snow on the ground? Look no further than the snow cat limo.  

Check it out here.

We’re sure that this thing has passed all the safety inspections to make it road worth: look at it! It’s glorious. Nothing can stop you from getting to the wedding on time.

3. Nearly Hairless Feline

If you’ve ever thought, “You know, cats are great, but they have too much hair and not enough opposable thumbs,” then does this poster have the deal for you.

Check it out here.

Just don’t forget that you MUST take care of this person “as you would a cat-cat,” and don’t be concerned when they start screaming in the middle of the night. There have got to be easier ways to find someone to support you so you don’t have to do any actual work.

4. Priorities

Yes indeed. This is a poster who knows himself, and self-knowledge is the first step to self-improvement.

Check it out here.

The best part is definitely the cat. And the fact that this elliptical is on its way to cluttering up space, unused, in a third person’s home.

5. The Baywatch Couch

It’s not often you can get a couch for $1. Even less often can you get one that comes with David Hasselhoff.

Check it out here.

Of course, you might not actually get David or the dogs in the picture. And the actual couch is slightly less psychedelic. But for $1, the fact that this couch has any cushions at all is pretty great.

The Amazon Hall of Shame

Oh, Amazon. How we love you. The best thing about this site isn’t the free shipping, or the standardized checkout experience, or the easy returns. The best part is that Amazon serves as a platform that allows anyone to get selling.

On the positive side, that means Amazon has enabled all kinds of “little guys” to start a business by providing them with a platform that reaches millions of customers worldwide.

The downside to all this is Amazon has allowed a lot of strange people to sell a lot of bizarre and weird products.

1. Hail to the Chief

Do you love former President Obama? Do you hate former President Obama? It doesn’t matter, really.

There’s literally no better way to show your devotion, or disdain, than by outfitting your most crucial room with an inferior product featuring the smiling face of a President.

Check it out here.

obama toilet paper; weird products

Image via Amazon

2. The Isolator

If you desperately want a way to keep all other human beings, and most animals, away from you, then this product is for you.

If you’re going hunting, this is the best way to cover your scent. Just don’t blame Hunters Specialties if your wake up to a coyote trying to get into your tent.

Check it out here.

coyote urine; weird products

Image via Amazon

3. Brain Protection

They tell us that Roswell is just a “testing facility,” but we all know better. The aliens are coming, and when they do, you’ll need this hat.  

Note that this tin foil protective hat is unisex, so there’s no need to buy a separate one for your spouse. The hat does arrive flat, though, so be sure to open it up into a pointy cone before you put it on. Don’t think you can make your own out of aluminum foil, either. This hat is special.

Check it out here.

tin foil hat; weird products

Image via Amazon

4. Radioactive Material

In living proof that you really can get anything online, check out this radioactive ore:

Which of us as private citizens isn’t “performing nuclear experiments?” You can’t beat the convenience of having your own uranium close to hand. If you need a unique way to eliminate that pesky termite colony under your house, this the perfect way to power your teeny nuclear device.

Check it out here.

uranium ore; weird products

Image via Amazon

5. Healing Death

Can you think of anything more likely to heal you than a reminder that there will eventually be an ailment that gets you?

Don’t worry; you can rest totally assured that this is a genuine meteorite. “Due to natural, everyone is unique,” and we couldn’t agree more. If you splash out your hard-earned cash on this item, you are definitely natural and unique.

Check it out here.

skull healing crystal stone; weird products

Image via Amazon 

Weird Products for the Insanely Rich

Pity the fabulously rich. Just when you get all the money in the world, you realize there are other rich people, too. You all have access to the same cars, planes, yachts, and gold-flecked chocolates.

How can you stand out from the crowd? How can you signal to the peons that you are so fabulously rich that you can afford to pay no attention at all to the money you spend? Show the world how easy it is to scam you out of your cash with these weird products only the rich can afford.

1. Fur for Your Furry

If only dogs had a way to stay warm and covered. Your problems are over now!

There’s nothing your fur-coated friend needs more than another fur coat! When it was available, you could get it for a mere $200, but you can’t really put a price on this kind of high fashion.

Check it out here.

2. Gold iPhone

Nothing demonstrates how you stand out from the crowd like buying the product literally every single person in the crowd has.

You need to stand out, though, right? The best way to do that is to literally slather your belongings in gold. The newest model can be yours for just $4,200. Don’t forget to do it all again next year when the newest iPhone comes out.

Check it out here.

3. Jungle Watch

You know what looks good in leopard print? LITERALLY EVERYTHING. All the world’s weird products are better in leopard.

If you’re a rich woman of a certain age, you know that you can never have too much leopard print. Show just how much money you have to toss around with an authentic Rolex watch in leopard print for just $64,796.

If that price makes you gulp, never fear: you can get an “authentic replica” for just $23,796.

Check it out here.

4. Solid Gold Wine Snuggly

When you’ve just dropped $100,000 or so on a bottle of CHÂTEAU LAFITE, you can’t just plop that puppy into a $1,000 wooden wine rack and drop it into the wine cave you had built under your mansion.

The only way to show everyone that you have more money than sense is to put that wine you’ll never drink into a wine holder made of solid gold.

5. Luxury Toothbrush

The other day we were brushing our teeth, and we realized just how irritatingly pedestrian the plastic handle felt in our hands. “If only,” we thought, “someone could make a luxury toothbrush made of the same material the aerospace industry uses.”

This toothbrush has lots of really useful things, like an anti-microbial coating and a lifetime of free replacement heads. But what you’re really paying for is the titanium body and sexy sculpting. And all for only $4,000!

Check it out here.

Breakfast Cereal Nightmares

Whether we want a chocolate cereal that turns the milk purple, something filled with marshmallows, or a chance to feel superior to everyone by eating tasteless shredded cardboard bits, breakfast cereal is something we all love.

But there have been some seriously ill-conceived cereal ideas, most of which died a quick and well-deserved death. Here are five of the worst weird products that people have actually eaten to start their day.

1. Urkel-Os

Do you remember Steve Urkel from Family Matters? Neither do we. But for a while, he was so popular that ABC thought it would a great idea to partner with Ralston foods and make a cereal about him.

If you think artificial strawberry and banana flavor named for popular TV character would shove Fruit Loops out of the market, you’d be very wrong.

Check it out here.

urkelos; weird products

Image via Ebay

2. Dunkin’ Donuts

If your mom was serious about health, she might have made you eat plain Cheerios. Those toasted circles with hardly any sugar and whole grain oats were good for you. Dunkin’ Donuts O’s were not.

These came in both glazed and chocolate, and the best part was you never needed to choose between them. You could get both in the same box at one point. It was all the sugar and refining that makes donuts unhealthy with literally none of the flavor!

3. Green Slime

Since the late 80s, Nickelodeon has made a mint off the idea of slopping green slime all over people. Not content with selling green slime and green slime games, they extended the idea to breakfast cereal.

Who wouldn’t want to eat their corn in green “slime shapes?” Even better, you could some (never enough) vaguely Nickelodeon-esque logo marshmallows in there, too. It was like Lucky Charms, only not.

4. Nintendo Cereal System

Have you ever had the experience of doing so well at something–really killing it–that you get overambitious, reach too far, and crash horribly?

The Nintendo Cereal system literally lasted less than a whole year. Each box had two bags in it: one side Zelda-themed and the other Mario-themed. Once you were hopped up on sugar, you were ready to spend Saturday morning playing with your Nintendo.

5. Freakies

You have to be well over 40 to remember Freakies. They came out in 1973, and they make the list of weird products that went out of production really quickly.

The cereal boxes attempted to tell the backstory of the Freakies monsters and their quest for endless supplies Freakies, but the really great part was that the cereal itself was disgusting oat flakes.

Subscription Boxes That Show Loved Ones How Much You Don’t Care

The subscription box, when well-thought-out, is a wonderful way to give someone a gift that lasts and reminds them of your love for a whole year. A subscription box done poorly is the perfect way to send useless or weird products to endlessly remind your loved ones that you don’t care about them at all.

1. No Make No Life

Japan is the land of flawless skin. It’s also the land of skin whitening scandals like the one Kanebo was embroiled in back in 2013 (their product gave nearly 10,000 people leukoderma).

This box advertises itself as providing high-quality products chosen by an in-house beauty consultant. What you actually get are Dollar Store children’s products in vivid colors and scents so strong people will notice you coming from miles away.

2. Moss of the Month

That’s right. People want you to pay them to send you something you can go out in the yard and pull off of any tree.

Check it out here

3. GeekBox

My GeekBox is a good idea, but it’s just not a good product. For one thing, it ships from the UK and it takes forever to get to the US. For another, they’re just recycling free items from other companies. 

Sure they’re saving you time trying to find these things on your own, but if you’re a “geek” and also an adult, do you really need a tiny Robin plushy and a substandard anime poster for your room?

4. Pub Shirt Club

If you know someone with a Starbucks mug from every city on earth, or who turns up their nose at the local cuisine and heads to the nearest Hard Rock chain restaurant everywhere they travel, this might be the box for them.

Check it out here

Isn’t this great? You don’t have to go to these pubs. You don’t even know what color the t-shirts might be. No one will know if these places EVEN EXIST. If you’re really lucky, you can get your loved one into a fist-fight with a pub loyalist somewhere.

5. Grandbox

The Grandbox is the perfect way to signal to your grandparents that you’re anxiously waiting around for them to die but you also really hope you’re still in the will.

Put literally no thought into your grandparents. Don’t call. Don’t get them things they might like to have based on your personal knowledge of them and a lifetime of interactions. Pay someone else to send them weird products.

Fads We’re All Glad Died

Some fads are great. McDonald’s has to keep bringing back the McRib for a reason: it’s seriously delicious. Barbie was once a fad and now she’s a permanent fixture. But there are other fads that couldn’t go away quickly enough.

Some of these were based on popular toys or shows; others a reflection of cultural constructs. Maybe you even got sucked into some of these fads at some point in life. That’s ok. We’re sure no one has pictures.

1. Beanie Babies

For a while in the early 90s, you couldn’t go three feet without seeing a Beanie Baby somewhere. They were “collector’s items,” you see, so if you bought one, you were guaranteed to make a mint selling it later. Fast forward a decade and there were so many of these things around you couldn’t get rid of them. And no one could answer the really important question: what do you DO with these things?

beanie baby; weird products

If you’re stuck with a bag of these in your attic, we feel your pain.

2. Magic Eye

The world just doesn’t have enough ways for you to feel superior to others. For a while in the 90s you could show how much more skilled you were than anyone else by finding the 3D image in Magic Eye prints.

Of course, most of the fun was mocking people who couldn’t see it. Nothing says “I’m smart” like the ability to unfocus your eyes.

3. The Mullet

Today, few hairstyles inspire as much scorn as the mullet. Back in the day, though, you were the height of cool if you had two totally different hair lengths AT THE SAME TIME.

Beloved of perpetually toasted 80s rockers, pre-teen dorks, and Richard Dean Anderson, the mullet CAN be done well. It just never is.

4. CK One

If you were alive in the 90s and had intact scent organs, you know what CK One smells like. As if life wasn’t confusing enough, Calvin Klein conceived the idea of making a scent so confusing that it would smell equally terrible on everyone, male or female.

Of course these days, now that there are an infinite number of genders, it is only appropriate that there are also an infinite number of anosmia-inducing CK One clones. FYI, the modern CK One smells quite different from the original.

5. Ask Jeeves

In the mid-90s, the world was still looking for a way to effectively search the internet. The market was open for a great search engine. Ask Jeeves was not that search Engine.

The idea was that “Jeeves” was a virtual butler who would go hunt around the Internet for you like a real butler would search through your closet for your favorite tie.

In reality, Jeeves was very passive aggressive. You couldn’t get an answer unless you phrased your question perfectly. Type in “Ask Jeeves,” and you wouldn’t get anything. Type in “Can you tell me about who created the search engine Ask Jeeves and what happened to it?” and you might get an answer.

What Do You Think?

Have you ever eaten, smelled, used, worn, or subscribed to one of the products on our list? The world is full of gloriously insane and useless products, and there’s no sign we’re going to stop making them any time soon.

The fad of making weird products will never go out of fashion, because all this crazy is far from a modern phenomenon. Really. Check out the Impulsoria: an 1850 invention that let you use horses for your train.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This